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ADIEU, ADIEU, TV GUIDE
July 29, 2005
Remember the date of Oct. 17, 2005. Historians of the future will regard that date as ground zero for a new era of TV watching. Oh, this tidal change in America's boob tube habits has been rolling in for some time now, what with all the gizmos and gadgets that now make television viewing easier and better - Tivos and satellite dishes and high-definition, progressive-scan, widescreen sets and all that.
But on Oct. 17, this digital age of TV becomes official. That's the day TV Guide, the little, mostly black-and-white magazine that tells you what shows are on what channel at what time, will cease to exist as we've known it for our entire lives.
On Tuesday, publisher Gemster-TV Guide International Inc. announced a major overhaul to the print institution, which will include ditching the current digest size in favor of a full-sized magazine layout. Television listings, which now make up 75 percent of the magazine, will account for only 25 percent of the new TV Guide, with the remainder of the pages offering stories and profiles on your favorite TV stars and shows.
The quality of the revamped magazine is yet to be determined. Best case, it seriously covers the small screen like Premiere focuses on movies and Rolling Stone journals the music scene. Worst case, it's a clone of those god-awful celebrity rags that litter the checkout lines of America, something that sits between People and Us. If I were to bet on which one, I'd pick the latter. Either way, the change of format signals the end of TV's low-tech age.
When I was young - real young, 8 years old or so - I used to save TV Guides. I wouldn't say "collect," since I didn't display them or buy back issues I was missing. No, I just saved them, stacking them neatly into cardboard boxes which were then shoved into my closet. Why I did this, I have no idea. Maybe it was life's clever way of foreshadowing the TV-obsessed geek I would one day become. Maybe it filled that gotta-have-them-all craving that couldn't be satiated when baseball season was over and no new cards were coming until the spring. Maybe it was just pointless hoarding. Hey, I was 8, remember!?
Anyway, I kept those boxes of TV guides for a good long time and even remember some of my favorite covers, the ones featuring such awesome entertainments as "The Dukes of Hazzard" and "CHiPs." (Again … 8 years old, here.) Back then, it was the TV Guide that served as the must-have accessory to any television set. Not the DVR. Not the home theater with 5.1 digital sound. Heck, not even the remote. It was only the TV Guide that could tell you whether that week's episode of "The Incredible Hulk" was new or a rerun and who was guesting on "The Love Boat."
Now, we have a zillion of ways to get that information - the Internet, digital on-screen guides, even the TV Guide Channel which constantly scrolls through the day's shows. Actually, you don't even need that information anymore. There's no reason to figure out when Comedy Central airs "South Park." You just click a few buttons on your Tivo and -- bam! -- you're watching "South Park" whenever you want, regardless of when those pesky TV execs feel compelled to schedule it.
Thus, the TV Guide no longer serves a purpose. It will morph into something else, something probably even more unnecessary. And, hey, the old issues may actually blossom into serious collectors' items. (Why did I eventually throw all those filled-up boxes away?) But I will still miss you, TV Guide. For as long as I've flipped channels, you were always nearby to make sure I didn't miss the best that TV had to offer. I thank you, TV Guide, and I bid you a fond adieu.
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