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TIME TO BURST THE NETWORKS' BUBBLES
(aka DEAR STUDIO EXECS…)
March 25, 2005
It's almost April, the time when network execs sit around their boardrooms mulling over how bad they screwed up this past season and deciding which shows are worth renewing for another year.
Some shows are easy pick-ups and may even have long-term deals in place ("CSI," "ER"…stuff like that), while others you just know are getting the axe thanks to awful ratings ("Life as We Know It," "Point Pleasant").
That leaves the in-between shows, which usually come in two categories: (A) New shows that don't draw mass amounts of viewers but inspire fan worship among those who are watching; and (B) shows that, once upon a time, were big hits but have slowly bled ratings points until it's almost not worth keeping them on the air.
These in-between shows are called "bubble shows," and their fates are now being decided. With that in the mind, consider these short letters my way of helping the networks choose which bubbles to pop and which to protect.
Dear NBC,
Thanks for renewing "Joey." Although my fellow TV fans chide me about it, I still think it's a pretty decent series. Even a good one, actually, considering how dull most sitcoms are. My advice to improve season two: Drop that annoying blonde neighbor and give the sublime Jennifer Coolidge more to do. Her hilarious turn as Joey's Hollywood agent is the best thing on the show.
"American Dreams" has its fans, but I was never one of them. The '60s drama had a nice little run, but it's time for it to go. Much like it's time for "The West Wing" to permanently leave office … but that was also the case when showrunner Aaron Sorkin departed two years ago. You unwisely kept it going then, so I'm not surprised you recently renewed it yet again. I will continue to miss the glory years.
Dear CBS,
I know it's been a rough year for "Joan of Arcadia." Ratings are down, and your star, Amber Tamblyn, has even complained about the direction the writers have taken her character. But that doesn't mean it's time to pull the plug, Let's call it a sophomore slump and give this original show another chance to climb back up to its season one heights. Besides, what would you replace it with--another "CSI"?
Dear FOX,
I'm still ticked about "Firefly," but if you cancel "Arrested Development," I will never forgive you. NEVER.
Dear UPN,
Please, please, please, please renew "Veronica Mars" ASAP. Assure the brilliant writers and cast and they're doing some of the best work on TV. Renew now so there's still time to plant some solid story hooks for season two. Renew now because this show deserves to stick around until "Veronica" graduates from college.
Dear HBO,
Despite struggling to lure new viewers, you've recently blessed "The Wire" with a fourth season. No one can claim that HBO refuses to stick by the shows they think qualify as superior television. Good on you, mates. Now, about a third season for "Carnivale"…
Dear ABC,
I know "Desperate Housewives" and "Lost" are struggling mightily in the ratings, could you find it in your hearts to please … yeah, right. Who am I kidding? Enjoy your champagne while the other networks sweat over their fall lineups.
Dear WB,
"Jack & Bobby" was a noble failure…but still a failure. Sack it to make way for something equally original and daring. Maybe next time, it will work.
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