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ROCKIN' OUT TO "AMERICAN IDOL"?!
Feb. 25, 2005
Well, I have no choice but to use this week's column to come clean. You see, I watched the entire hour-long episode of "American Idol" on Monday. And by watching, I broke a pledge I made to myself not to sit through any one full episode of "Idol" this season.
I made this promise with the best of intentions. After all, with all of TV's great scripted dramas--"Lost" and "Veronica Mars" and "Gilmore Girls" and "24" and more--roaring full speed ahead (and "Deadwood" and "The Shield" coming in a few weeks), I just didn't feel the need to submit myself to the same old reality-show nonsense.
I admit my pre-arranged snubbing wasn't the most fair of plans. In fact, "American Idol" remains one of the genre's more reliable shows. But I wanted out anyway, just because this country's premier singing competition/talent show feels no need to bring anything new to the table. If you've sampled any season of "American Idol," you know what's going to happen every year. Oh, sure, they divvied the finalists up by gender this time around. Big whoop! That's cosmetic.
The rhythm of the show remains unchanged. You watch during the early weeks to see talentless wannabes (or shrewd performers playing talentless wannabes) warble a few off notes before Simon Cowell puts his head in his hands and America points and laughs. Bored now. Then, once the finalists are selected, the heavy critiquing and fan voting begins. And I find no fun to be had there anymore either. There's only so many times, after a singer finishes his or her tune, I can stand to hear Randy Jackson say, "It was OK, dawg, but it just didn't blow me away, you know?" Then Paula gives that expression indicating she's about to say something really important before repeating what Randy said almost verbatim. Then Simon says the same dang thing, but with a British accent and the smart-alec knob turned to 11.
There was not even a need for me to continue watching "American Idol" to fulfill my duties as a TV columnist. You all know what happens every week and whether you enjoy it or not. You don't need me telling you why you should or shouldn't watch this show. "Idol" is beyond that now. It's part of the culture--rock solid and unchanging. If you're a fanatic (and, judging by the ratings, many of you still are), you'll tune in.
But, as for me, I was out. Done. Finito…
What's that they say about the best-laid plans?
It was this last Monday, 8 p.m., and I found myself stopping by the Fox network to watch the first few minutes of "Idol." Very little TV of any note is on Monday at 8, and though I flipped around my digital channel guide to look for something better, nothing struck my fancy.
Then, a shock. Some guy with long hair was on "American Idol" singing a rock song and looking like he should have a guitar strung over his shoulder. Then, the guy went and admitted he wished he did have a guitar strung over his shoulder! Now, this was something slightly new - an "American Idol" contestant who didn't aspire to be the next Mariah Carey or Luther Vandross. I soon discovered the dude's name was Bo Bice, which sounds like some disease I wouldn't want to catch. (Doctor: "Sir, I'm sorry to have to tell you this, but you've contracted Bo Bice in your liver.")
Despite, the not-so-rockin' name, I was intrigued, and then a half an hour later, another heavily-maned fellow who wants to be a rock 'n' roll star took the stage. This one with the hair-metal-approved name of Constantine Maroulis. Two rock guys taking on the "Idol" elevator-music establishment? And doing so at the risk of sanding off whatever six-string edge these guys had in the first place? Now, that's something different.
So I ended up watching the entire episode and breaking my vow. Heck, if the two rock guys stick around, I may tune in for another. So sue me.
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