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"CELEBRITIES ON ICE"
AND TV GOES TO THE OSCARS
February 3, 2006
So I flipped over to Fox to watch "24" Monday night and was blessed with the final 10 minutes of "Skating with Celebrities." And by "blessed" I mean the sheer awfulness of the show traveled from the TV to my eyeballs and entered my skull as some kind of awful physical entity determined to destroy all of my brain's pleasure sensors. This evil entity was only killed by Kiefer Sutherland's soothing voice -- "The following takes place between…" -- moments later.
Talk about close calls.
Anyway, I am still fighting the painful memory of former "Full House" star Dave Coulier dressed up as a woman, performing his skating routine with partner Nancy Kerrigan, who was done up as a man. At first thought, it would seem that Kerrigan has gone through rougher patches in her life than parading around the rink in some third-rate reality show with "Uncle Joey." But then I find myself considering that a Tanya Harding-arranged clubbing may be preferable.
Here's what cracks me up: How sad is it when these reality shows featuring C-list celebrities have to pull their contestants from other trashy reality shows? I mean, Coulier was just on VH1's "The Surreal Life" two years ago. The well's got to go deeper, folks. There are literally thousands of ex-sitcom stars out there, all desperately wanting back on a hit TV show. Even if it means lacing up a pair of skates. Is it really that hard to go find them? Or maybe Dave Coulier is just so insistent that celebreality producers just give up on avoiding him and put him on the darn shows.
Oh, yeah, I did say "hit TV show" a few sentences back, since 10 million people are tuning in every Monday to watch. I just shuddered something fierce, and it's not because I was just thinking about all that ice.
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How about a hand for ex-"Dawson's Creeker" Michelle Williams, who earned an Academy Award nomination Tuesday for her supporting turn in "Brokeback Mountain"? Admit it, of the four that starred in the erstwhile WB smash, Williams was the one we expected to fade from the limelight the fastest. (Well, okay, I admit it.)
I haven't seen the film yet, perhaps this weekend, but I think I'll be rooting for her because her nomination goes to show you never know what kind of talent is hiding on some fifth-network teen soap. (Oh, and what do you think the odds were in 1998 that in eight years one "Creek" girl would be Tom Cruise's caught-in-headlights fiancee and the other would be up for an Oscar?)
Some other folks with strong TV histories nominated for their big-screen work in 2005 include George Clooney, who was honored for directing "Good Night, and Good Luck" and acting in "Syriana." Remember when people used to say you only had to look to David Caruso to see how not to jump from television to the movies? Well, you need only look to George Clooney to learn how to properly make the leap. After a few missteps ("Batman & Robin," to name one -- a big one), the guy's pretty much done nothing but make good movies. Also, "Desperate Housewife" Felicity Huffman was nominated for Best Actress for her work in "Transamerica" (my, how jealous the others must be, especially that mean-looking red head).
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