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TELEVISION TO GET SICK TO
Jan. 14, 2005
Ever watch anything on TV that made you physically ill?
I haven't, although seeing Amber and Rob make goo-goo eyes at each other for most of "Survivor: All-Stars" did bring about sporadic feelings of nausea. Still, it never got so bad that a trip to the doctor was in order.
However, Cleveland paralegal Austin Aitken apparently has a weaker stomach than I since he's filed a $2.5 million lawsuit against NBC claiming "Fear Factor" made him sick.
According to a Reuters news story, Aitken said he vomited after seeing contestants eat dead rats on the network's gross-out reality hit. Then, "the show caused his blood pressure to rise so high that he became dizzy and light-headed, and when he ran away to his room, he bumped his head into the doorway." Not surprisingly, Aitken also told the good folks at Reuters that he would not discuss the complaint unless he got paid for the interview.
There's nothing like America--home of frivolous lawsuits and get-rich-quick schemes--is there, kids? If "Seinfeld" was still on the air, I have little doubt the writers would already be fashioning a similar lawsuit for Kramer to file. You just know that Jackie Chiles would make a mint off that case.
Sadly though, this is real life we're talking about. And, hopefully, the first judge whose desk this suit comes across immediately trashes it and then orders Aitken to watch 48 straight hours of MTV's "The Ashlee Simpson Show" just for wasting the court's time and taxpayers' money. It must be "The Ashlee Simpson Show" (or perhaps something even worse, if humanly possible). The judge may be tempted to force Aitken to watch "Fear Factor," but I suspect Aitken actually likes that show. After all, his tendency for unfair play and penchant for acting like a complete idiot certainly fits well with "Factor"'s target audience.
Though this case's deserved outcome is a no-brainer, there's an even more important reason for this case to be dismissed: If people can sue networks for broadcasting TV that makes them sick, the courtrooms of America would become overrun with television viewers demanding compensation for the crap foisted upon them.
Now, remember, I have the ironclad stomach when it comes to bad TV. I have to; I get paid to write about it. But the normal American is not equipped to suffer through thirty minutes of "Rodney" or "According to Jim." Someone who only watches television for an hour or two each week cannot be held accountable for any injuries sustained when they accidentally catch ten minutes of "Big Man on Campus."
If people can sue for bad TV, we'd have six bankrupt TV networks and a country full of multimillionaires. So, sorry Mr. Aitken, but your ridiculous lawsuit is much too dangerous to even consider. Now, about that 48 hours of "Ashlee Simpson"…
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